How does the healed move away from a healing? When does the healed even recognize that the healing is over and now a dependence has established itself. How does the student move on from the training? When does a student even recognize the training is over and the repetitiveness has become toxic?
I think that is where I am at with my tarot readings. i can no longer read for myself, not that I really could ever, but the daily interpretations of the cards needs to stop. They are leading me on wild Goose chases.
I used to pull three of four cards a day, one from each deck I had. It was an incredible training tool as well incredibly insightful to what was also occurring in my life. The whole experience was brilliant when looking back at it. And maybe that is why i thought it was the right route last year after running away from a trapping situation I dove head first back into my cards for guidance. But this time it just didn't work the same.
One thing I have learned on my journey of self discovery, is that you can never repeat a successful program twice. I guess that flows into my own lessons and when it is necessary to move into something new. Repeating the same lesson is never really wise now is it? I just never seen my daily readings as lessons but now that I am seeing more clearly who I am and what it is that truly feels good I see that I was going backwards not forwards.
Reading for myself has become convoluted, the messages blurry and the same message for over an entire year. Ya I just cant indulge those cards like that anymore. I need to find another avenue for my readings. Maybe the two card online weekly readings I have seen other creative people use in their columns and blogs. Maybe Even here I can start to create that for myself! Wow! Thank you for that suggestion dear Key tapping fingers!
So there I have it. Learning when too move on from an old program of self discovery into a new one. I have opened some FB groups that played with this fire and it was incredible. so incredible that I had to run away from it true to my natural fashion. lol But also true to who i am I always come back to what is right and good for me.
So please enjoy my new weekly card readings!!
Life happens in phases and cycles, sometimes the down time phases are the hardest to get thought and then there are times that everything is going so well yet you cant seem to feel the happiness that you should around whats happening.
Thats where I am at. I have all this great stuff happening in my life and yet I cant seem to be happy about it. I feel like I am finally on my way to what I have wanted since the begining of my time yet I am more depressed then I ever have been.
I am hung up on the fact I am not getting my wishes fulfilled. I am stuck spinning over a failure I feel is unjustified, I am wallowing in the pity of knowing that the situation should and could and would be different if I had just went with the flow in the beginning. But i couldn't, I was too scared.
Following my hearts desire to become something in the metaphysical world has taken me well over fifteen years to achieve from this same lack of faith and trust in myself and what my heart truly wants. i have always second guessed It, crossed it, provoked it and down right attacked its desire's. My own heart. Why is that?
Patterns and experience is showing me that truly this is the same situation now in the romance department. I am attacking my heart so hard for letting a great opportunity slip through my fingers.... not just slip through gracefully but a full on fight club motion picture of alter ego sabotage. I guess the first time never really works out, hey?
When it comes to my career and all the things I have wanted to do and have pursued, I can let go fairly easily under the understanding of the position not being a fit for me or feeling uneasy about it. There was only one position i sabotaged that I held on to for seven years in heart attack mode and let me tell you that has been a terrible seven years holding on to that.
So am I to experience the same seven years terribleness because I refuse to let go of this current heart pain?
I think my thought patterns have been about fighting to hold on to it, like I should have the job position I loved most. But in truth would I have been any better off had I kept that position? I look back now and where I am heading with my schooling and think that I probably would not have ended up here actually pursuing my passion, I would have stayed under the thumb of others instead. In the end I would have left anyways. Maybe just a softer easier way would have been had.... or maybe not.
So what do I do to move through this break up with my current desire in a more graceful fashion? How do I learn to let go easier, because I will be honest, I have tried many things and know of all the things that work and my heart is the most stubborn thing within me and she is refusing to listen to reason.
I look at my entire life and the number 3 year I am for numerology and it is suppose to be my joy year. My fun year, my finding a voice year and with the exception of that last part none of the other stuff is joyful. I feel attacked on the outside from all the people around me. For the first time in my life people really do not like me.
Becoming strong in personality and learning to love yourself fully has some serious drawbacks. When I was just an image for other people to like because of my insecurities I felt no opposition from people around me. i didn't even understand how much bliss that was to be a wall flower, a follower, the person that is there for everyone. Because now that I stand up for myself, now that I share my opinions and stick behind them, now that I am somebody who cares but is a leader, I feel i am attacked much more.
I asked for thicker skin a few years back. I was told I was too sensitive too many times so I decided I needed the experiences to not fall into that category any more... too sensitive. Well Now apparently I am just an insensitive bitch. Oh how the pendulum swings.
I just want to feel okay with my life. i dont need happiness on the daily, but i would like peace. I have sought peace out many times and have established and maintained it for periods of time, then I get bored. So really this is where the cycles and patterns of life are observed most greatly. Within my feelings. Because really feelings have an odd way of not matching whats happening in your life.
The law of attraction is such a 3d world of surface functioning. Be happy, smile lots and surely people will smile back, have a scowl and indeed people will follow and mirror that back to you. But that is the extent of the law of attraction. Do good things and good things will happen for you, and surely this is true as well, but there is a border line followers agenda here because we are not happy all the time.
So flowing with the cycles and understanding what brings on your melancholy is probably a better action then diving into either shifting the feeling or drowning in it. I am without my jeep for two months. my jeep is my passion right now. i love being in it, I love pushing it to see what it can do, I love the feelings it brings me when i am stunting, I love how it makes me look and feel when I am with it. i truly love my jeep.
Am i a materialistic person? Not at all. I am a naturalist who loves to live simply and one day will retire to the mountains to live out my retirement years in solitude living off the land. but for now, I want to experience everything and i want to win at the game called life. so ya I am depressed that my passion is sitting in my mechanics shop needing a total front end over haul. That and mix in my love interest failed me and yes my heart is pretty desolate right now.
Maybe my sadness is what I need to function in life. maybe I will always be sad. maybe its my true love affair to stay in what is most comfortable for me, a broken heart.
And then there is the point of doing what you know is best for you. There is the understanding that the universe does provide for you when you are providing for it. Taking care of your responsibilities is the way to move your heart out of misery because it is a sense of doing whats right and well in your world. But slipping into depression and letting your day take over the feel of misery without any sort of reward is very inviting when you are getting tired of very little rewards happening.
Stop and smell the roses, take note of the small things and give thanks often for what you do have. These are all things I tell myself on the daily. but truly I am overwhelmed. and if I am overwhelmed now, how the hell am I going to add more to my plate to move forward? How can i flip this around? even though I have been here a thousand times i still struggle with trying to figure it out each time I slip back into this cycle. Do I really have control getting out of it, or am i just to flow as always and know I am never really the one in control, or is it the other way around.... am I always the one in control??
I woke up this morning already fit to be tied. How is that gonna make for a good day, I ask you?
Haven't even opened my eyes and already I am seething in anger. I don't even know what I am angry about. i run a check list through my head.
I didn't lose as much weight at my Jenny Appointment last night as I had hoped, but I am not shocked I haven't been close on plan all week, so really I cant be mad about that can I?
I am still only attracting men that are unavailable to me, which is a sore spot for my heart but this isn't new and astounding information, so it cant be whats causing me to seethe at 8am before my feet even hit the floor.
I do feel tired and lonely, like my life is one constant battle after another with little reward in between.... but even as I think the thought, my higher self taps me on the shoulder and gently says.... ummm excuse me missy you have a new bestie that warms your heart and already is madly in love with you, something you have asked for.... someone to like you as much as you like yourself.... and two daughters that are changing the world simply by the personal choices they are making.... so really missy you are being rewarded daily. So really I cannot be angry about feeling lonely thats my own doing because of my hang up on the Lion, whom doesn't want me.
And so before my feet hitting the floor I concede defeat to my warring heart over an unfulfilled wish, a lost dream, and fantasy killed with a slow poison.
True to the fashion of feelings and what I seen as the law of attraction, every encounter I have after being awake is one of perceived personal attack. The maintenance guy that bowls over my snow pile and wrecks my path for the tenants to the garbage bin with his massive work truck.... fucking douche bag, I shoveled a place for him to park, asshole.
So before going any further in my day I decide I best check whats happening in the stars before I plan my course of attack on the world that is apparently going to retaliate my hostilities. And well wasn't I smitten when I read page after page of all the planets in conjunctions today.
Whew! What does that mean? It means that all you bitches are feeling this anger too! And if your not its because you live in a bliss bubble and I am envious of your disconnectedness.
This is why i love astrology so much. I had the feelings before the information. it was nothing more then validation. A good program does not create feelings in you, it validates what you already are experiencing thus giving you the power to handle your emotions and thoughts more appropriately. After thirty years of study on emotions and trauma and the power of our thoughts I have time and time again came back to astrology being the only true practice for guidance in my life.
Once a person understands there emotional make up and the direction the planets are going to move their lives in and the expereinces they are destined to have, life becomes very easy and free flowing. Some people are already tapped and dont need to dig, but for those of us that need the validation and guidance to become their full potentials this is for sure the most solid path to take there.
So now even though my anger has settled because i understand the larger picture (Virgo's got lost in details sometimes) I can go about my day picking my battles wisely because it is a day to clear air if needed but mostly its about laying low and allowing the insults to flow right off ones back.
It's a thickening of the Skin kinda day, So pamper yourself accordingly!!
Wow Change is surely in the air for me.
I have been restless for many months and I have been tossing and turning between following a path in healing or following a path in metaphysics. Leaning towards healing but I think completely missing the larger picture of how much the other path is just another path for those wanting healing. All Paths are Healing. If thats my only focus, well thats kinda silly right?
I should be looking more at what makes me truly happy, what I could feel passionate about learning and what can give me the clearest path to my ultimate goals. Right?
Well, I am changing directions again.
I have been so focused on hypnotherapy, but after doing some research on accreditation, I just cant see the fight for that path a beneficial one for me. Way too many years of school as well as a trained way of thinking I am not eager to take on again. There are too many hoops for me to jump through that would not ending up srving my end goals. So i must let this dream go. It's not working out like I had hoped. At least let it go for now anyways, maybe after I have established myself I can revisit the mindfalling program but for now its another path that I choose.
Funny that my astrology reports for this month are astonishingly about these changes, for which I did not see in amidst my confusion of why my life is not moving right now. Funny again that astrology is always there for me. funny how i always choose this as my go to when any life problem hits mysefrl or a friend. Funny is it?
My astrological advice this month was to follow my passion and to pick a path and jump on it. Its truly the advice for all people december of 2017. for most people you have been gearing up for this change all year, for some of us we have been kicking and screaming in the fight agaisnt it. So what is it I am truly passionate about? What is it that I have been studying since a kid? Astrology?
Thats the path I would choose instead, that of astrology.
Its my metaphysical passion and always has been but more then that its a science that has proved itself over and over again in my life, after countless educational pursuits and courses and programs and books failed to uphold their guidance, astrology since the beginning of time has.
All of our ancient texts are based on astrological movements in the sky. We all have wished upon a star and we all know a little bit about astrology signs. So it's a door already opened. An ancient text of study that would fascinate me and ignite a passion to sell it even more. An avenue to establish me into a position that I could then launch mindfalling. It will be through the base of astrology that I can dive much more deeper into the shamans healing as the world progresses along side.
As I have moved back into the service industry I am wildly aware of how much people still live in bubbles of bliss, which is amazingly good and shockingly timely for me.... we really do change at a snails pace on our own. I guess its why I am never sad for a person who hits a major snag in life, because its only at those times that we can really make some massive change fast.
Like whats happening for me in my astrological charts right now. The Big Mid-life Crisis! Everything is shifting and moving so fast and truly has been for over a year now. I know I am working towards going back to University to be a bachelors of Commerce locking into a healing profession or an astrological one is a pretty big deal at my age. I dont have the luxury for do overs now.... this is my do over!
So for those of you that have been following me, I am pulling mindfalling. I am pulling Brandy Brost consulting. It was a vision I had when I was on a different path with different support. I understand so deeply now how what I choose to do must depend solely on my own support. So Astrology and something I believe in is the way for me.
I am looking forward to ripping this site apart now and recreating it into what I really want to be.... which has always been....
How easy is it for us to get knocked off our priorities?
I find I am always on this little circle of cycles when it comes to staying on task and true to my goals and plans. Summer hits and I tend to lose entire focus on my goals and allow the summer carefree energy to take me for a stroll in nature...... for Five weeks! Damn them Faries!
How hard is it to get back on track?
Sometimes I have to admit when I need help getting back to my priorities. Mentors have always been great in my past with quick re tracking. Having a program like Jenny Craig, for which I am on right now, helps get things into perspective for those wanting to feel better quickly. To much summer sun and not enough eating properly.
Priorities. I am again on this path of redefining my priorities. This I am learning is surely an ongoing assignment as life shifts and changes beneath you. I am coming back to my center and am seeing that my priorities are shifting again as well.
How do you know what a priority even is really? Is it the same as a responsibility? Like my kid is my responsibility so therefor, a priority as well, but whats if my kid is older and takes care of herself is she still therefor a priority? Still a responsibility but any longer the priority?
I am redefining what it looks like for me through my feelings to be on task with my priorities more then my responsibility's. Like take for instance my love of my Jeep.... I am a jeep owner by the way and truly it hasn't been a lifetime enthusiast thing, nope this puppy popped up on me and i fell in love with all things jeep and wheeling... but this hobby is expensive stuff. I got an extra job serving just to pay for my love of the jeep.
So aside for taking care of my kid, it is also high priority to keep the love of my life in it as well so that means making good money to support my Jeep habit.
These are the beginnings of my priorities. The Jeep, My Kid, so therefore My serving Job and my care taking position rise up before any personal business of mine.
When I decided to go back to work so I could raise the funds needed to launch my business I knew there was a potential to get lost in that world again. Been there, done that, its super comfortable easy to get kinda lost......you know the kinda thing, right?. But here I am pushing forward, not by choice but by forced running from the wolves.
I got comfortable and I lost sight of my priorities. Even deeper then the Jeep is my desire to own my own business. This is what I bought the Jeep for in the first place, I just had no idea how much more it would give me. So that was the first shift in priorities.
But now that I am working, more and more money keeps coming to me as this is the law of attraction... everything just keeps growing. So now I can afford to put myself back through school and get my Bachelors in Commerce and do my business up the right way.
So now my vision has broadened.
I am responsible to hold on to that jeep and my kid. Both my responsibility's fold into my priorities of keeping my serving job and my care taking job. So going to school cannot take away from those two or my foundation gets shaky again. This is why i come here today is to lay out a foundation of priorities to rise up as many steps as we can.
To fix my jeep and invest good money there increases my happiness factor and thus my energy. It really boils down to having enough energy in the day. This is why I started jenny Craig again, I need personal energy to get my brain in top form and the rest of my bodies muscles as well. So the investment into jenny food is Priority for at least three months. These are steps I must take so my priorities have to be these two for the next month or so.
Moving beyond, school is next priority but it might not happen as quick as i had hoped but this buys me time to really look into all my paths and choices with my new understanding of my finances. So time spent on this website and online looking into different avenues to increased knowledge in all business related fields. That makes my business Fun again! It sucked trying to get customers when you have limited resources. So now I am getting resources!!
And My Kitty.
He is pretty epic at keeping me grounded and deeply rooted in Love. Where I once thought I needed a romantic partner to keep me grounded I am now seeing I was wrong and truly you need to be really grounded to actually achieve the right partner anyways. So yay kitty priority number three.... which is what will keep me home to work on my business because let me tell you, even though i love it and its my biggest passion, it for sure is the one that takes the most work to keep going. (aha life lesson moment for me. probably why i am still single)
So breaking down priorities and why they are important to you is the best way to deal with shifting foundations. And truly shifting foundations are the only way one can get ahead and stay moving froward, with little risk of getting hung up again and having to go back to square one to get moving again. Rest, but keep moving.
Speaking of rest, I shall break up this duty with some tidying of my apartment, funny this was my rest moment. Means its a good day!
Take care my Friend.
I am really going through a band aid ripping effect with spirituality right now.
I have come to see all the places we can hide in false hopes, numbed feelings and unstable healing modalities just to ignore the truth of our lives and the power of our feelings.
Many of us are never taught how to cope with feelings and even less of us are prepared for what life has in store for us. Living in this world means being open to painful experiences. We hear lots of talk about keeping our hearts open and loving people but many of us close our hearts at a very young age due to trauma.
The rest of our lives we struggle with our weight, with depression in the form of laziness and excessive media exposure, drug/alcohol/sex/gambling/other addictions, co-dependence in the form of marriage, spirituality and religion, and now the new agers have brought wholistic health to the mainstream and along with it all the charlatans that just regenerate other peoples programs with little experience.
All these avenues either masking the feelings or overreacting new ones. Many people struggle to just be and accept life on lifes terms.
There are times in our lives that we truly have no exciting feelings and it just is what it is, yet we feel abnormal so we rush out to a program or a spirituality that will some how lift our spirits. Other times we are surely depressed but refuse to make the necessary changes in our lives that our bodies are demanding of us, so we seek to numb out.
The reasons we come to these places to hide are all for the same reason really. We dont like our lives, they are not living up to our expectations and we have lost gratitude for the magnitude of our humanity. This is why churches are on every corner... to help people find those purposes.
I would like to bring a new option forth... how about the church of self? How about finding a new truth within yourself. Millions of people are getting it just by hitting the gym daily. Not to become a new place to hide but to get in touch with your own body, with your own senses. to open yourself up to your own intuition.
Eating well for your self, whatever that looks like and placing your attention on your own body will bring you into a new alignment. Through this alignment you might begin to notice how much you were hiding in a program of thoughts that kept you trapped.
Hope is a dangerous one and the one I am coming out of right now. Hope creates illusions that when taken to far begin to alienate you from the world for which you must function in. When a spirituality or modality begins to isolate you then there is a hiding going on and one will get lost in the grip of self righteousness and thats never a pretty place to be. Co-dependents love this place for they can escape decision making and taking responsibility for themselves.
I feel like I am finally stepping out of that place where I need to hide from the world. Now when I say that I mean, fully showing up for the world... heart open and losing the fear to be hurt and losing an even deeper fear of repeating the past. I really believe we can live without patterns in our lives that we can truly just live without the constant repeating pain nor the hiding from it either.
We do not need to re-create our past and we do not need to keep our heart on a love lock down.
Of course we must walk through it first and for some that will be a seven year cycle, but once you have moved through it, the freedom on the other side is karmic release. I feel that as the millennials age we lose this dualistic nature and are being moved into a more loving and accepting place where people dont have to hide in order to feel safe.
We all speak about peace but all we have done is hide ourselves from anything not pleasant.... its time to fight the final war. The one raging inside you. Time to face your truth and step out of it.
Its time to just live. Go to the gym, eat well, pay your bills, take care of your responsibilities. Then you will feel a passion build inside you.... follow it. That is your truth. Look for the good in your life and other people and this is what you will find. Basics. Keep it simple. Keep it basic. The rest will take care of itself.